My Near Moral Downfall Was Due to the World’s Weirdest Pregnancy Cravings
We’ve all had or are having cravings during our pregnancy but what about cravings that nearly bring about your downfall, that could be eerie. We usually simply think that our cravings are temporary and dismiss any serious thought other than maybe controlling our cravings once in a while. Later, we simply dismiss those thoughts too. This little story is an ey opener - enjoy!
Have you had any weird cravings? You would be hard pressed to find a mother who has not faced this question at least once during her pregnancy, during mine, answering this question nearly became my moral downfall.
It all started innocently enough. I would tell someone that I was pregnant and eventually they would pose the impossible question, Have you had any weird cravings? I would look into the eager face before me and pause for just a second or two before answering with regret, well, not really. They would immediately lose interest and the conversation would drip to an end, like the faucet in my kitchen that manages to force out a few last drops after you’ve turned it off.
Then one day, it happened. I had just disappointed yet another hopeful inquisitor when instead of the conversation ending he replied, My mom ate nothing but hot dogs with sour cream when she was pregnant with me. I flinched in disgust and his face lit up. know. Gross, right?
That night, I delighted in telling the story to my husband and watching his nose wrinkle with revulsion. I wondered aloud how many hot dogs with sour cream the man’s mother had actually consumed. We decided that even one was too many and it was then that it hit me. What if she had never in her life consumed a hot dog slathered in sour cream? What if she had come up with that dog to satisfy her eager son’s curiosity and he had loved it so much that he continued to tell the story even today, as a grown man? The reality didn’t matter, I realized. The important thing was that the claim continued to thrill and revolt people. I made a vow that from that moment on no one would walk away disappointed after asking about my pregnancy cravings.
When the question came from an acquaintance in my drawing class about a week later I started small, “Well…I have had a thing for scrambled eggs with apples and ketchup.The woman’s eyes widened, Oh that is sooo weird, she exclaimed. l’ll have to tell my sister about that one. She didn’t have any nasty cravings during her pregnancy, she said accusingly. I just smiled.
As the weeks went on and my pregnancy became more obvious the question became more frequent and my reported cravings more elaborate. Walking through the grocery store I would imagine food combinations that would shock and delight, Froot Loops with chocolate milk? Cheddar cheese topped with mandarin oranges? Marinated cabbage with apple sauce? I would mull them over until I could report on them with complete confidence. I soon found that the grosser the combination, the more gratifying the response. A craving for marshmallows was fine, a craving for marshmallows with cream cheese was better, a craving for marshmallows nuked in the microwave and covered in cream cheese and sweet pickles made them hoot with disgusted pleasure.
Everything was going along swimmingly until one night my husband and I had dinner with some friends of ours. The familiar series of pregnancy questions began and we took turns providing answers. When the question of cravings came up all faces turned to me expectantly; Aahh the spotlight! My adoring public! Those eager, inquisitive faces! I would give them what they wanted. I launched into my best craving description yet. I lovingly described popcorn covered in Worcestershire and sugar, pigs in a blanket dipped in sweet and sour sauce and bean burritos with extra jalapeos, guacamole and mustard. I couldn’t seem to stop, one after another the fictitious cravings just came pouring out of me and each appreciative shudder, tremble and expression of repulsion just fueled my fire. Until I saw the look on my husband’s face, that is. His barely masked horror at my litany of lies stopped me cold. I mumbled something about how weird it all was and went back to eating my (very tame) lasagna.
On the way home my husband cleared his throat and I felt like a child again, waiting for a reprimand. “Have you ever even had a pig in a blanket he asked simply. I tried a little laugh, Um, not exactly. They look pretty gross though. He looked over at me, eyebrows raised, waiting for an explanation. I carefully explained how much I hated to disappoint people and how easy it was to give them what they wanted. I told him how the whole thing had started with the hot dogs and sour cream and how I felt like a failure for not having any weird cravings so I just made a few up I know it was wrong. I looked down at my hands and heard my husband release a quiet sigh. Yeah, I know what you mean, he said. I looked at him in surprise. He explained that he had also been getting questions about my cravings and that he too had felt a little lame. He paused, You could have filled me in, you know. He looked over with a little twinkle in his eye, I mean those were some really gross combinations you came up with. I thought that the veggie burger with soy sauce and peanut butter was particularly inspired.I chuckled a bit. Yeah, that was a pretty good one. Alan nodded appreciatively. Yeah, and when you told them that some days you eat nothing but cheese all day long.
Actually, that one’s true.
You’re kidding! He exclaimed. That’s pretty gross.
It is? I asked uncertainly.
Well, yeah. I mean, doesn’t your system get kind of clogged up?
Not that I’ve noticed, I replied, trying to remember.
Is it one kind of cheese all day or different kinds?
Oh, all different kinds, I said, beginning to warm up and fighting the urge to embellish. I might have Swiss cheese with mustard on it for breakfast and then later have cheddar or mozzarella as a snack. Sometimes I’ll have the cheddar with apple sauce and cinnamon. For lunch I’ll sometimes go back to Swiss or just have Kraft singles if we have them. Then if you’re not going to be home for dinner I like to have a wedge of pasteurized brie. Alan shook his head.
Honey, that’s sick.
The next day I heard Alan on the phone with a friend of his from college chatting about our child-to-be when I heard him pause and then exclaim with excitement Oh yeah, man, listen to this! I just found out that there are some days when she eats nothing but cheese all day long!
I shook my head with a smile and went back to eating my string cheese.
Sasha is the owner and founder of Sasha B. Designs, http://www.SashaBDesigns.com, an online baby boutique that specializes in beautiful, handmade nursing covers for breastfeeding moms. Our nursing covers make ideal baby shower gifts and purchase includes free gift wrapping with a matching gift card. Shop online at http://www.sashabdesigns.com/index.php?cat=1
Sasha also writes an online column, Thoughts on Motherhood, that appears monthly on her website, http://www.sashabdesigns.com/info.php?page=8.
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